Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Killing Them with Random Acts of Holiday Kindness

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The holiday season is a time of traditions: some beautiful, some hokey, most with the best of intentions unless they involve “The Chipmunk Song.”

In our home, the one tradition we deal with even more often than even that screeching novelty tune is the call to “be nicer to one another.” It is usually made by my wife and often punctuated with me yelling “dammit.” (Her request tends to come when I’m in midst of testing burned out strings of Christmas tree lights.)

This year, as reliable as a Starbucks’ holiday cup controversy, My Love made her annual plea for more civility almost no sooner than we had disposed of the Thanksgiving turkey carcass. However, her request contained a twist.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

A Higher Education in Going Broke

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These graduates spent so much on their education that they could not even afford pants. (Photo by Melissa Johnson on Unsplash)

You’ve undoubtedly heard about the rising costs of higher education in the United States.

As the parent of “rising” high school senior with "falling" income who is fresh from a two-day, three-university, 600-mile tour of prospective Northeastern institutions, I CANNOT say this is true.

Only because the astronomical price tags have left me completely speechless.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Muggle Conjures Up Wizardry for Surviving 20 Years of Marriage

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us

The world celebrated all the make-believe magic it could the other week, the 20th anniversary of the publication of the first Harry Potter novel.
In the real world, I celebrated how I made my wife believe I’ve been worth staying married to for 20 years.
Now that’s a real magic act.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

And Piles to Go Before I Sleep

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Write what you know, they say, which is what I’m doing as I wedge this post in between today’s fourth and 45th load of laundry.

Life may be short but laundry is eternal when you have two teens involved in things such as high school sports and taking a bazillion Snapchat photos of themselves, the latter of which requires changing outfits like spastic cable remotes change channels. Which reminds me of an old joke:

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Worst Commencement Speech Advice Ever

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worst commencement speech ever graduation clothes

Another year of high school commencement ceremonies cometh and againth I was not asked to speak at any of them.

Graduates, count your blessings.
I say this because, unlike the school benefactors and politicians whose words you won't pay attention because of your preoccupation in learning the whereabouts of the nearest keg party, I would have brought to your lectern one vital thing: experience. (And also the knowledge that it's a lectern and NOT a podium, but that's another post.)

Friday, May 12, 2017

Green, Green Lawns of the Uncool Home

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Is anything as inseparable as a dad and his lawn?

Maybe a dad and his grill.

Or a dad and his beer.

Definitively a dad and that pair of underwear from 15 years ago with the air-conditioned crotch that’s just too dang comfy to toss.

But let’s get back to lawns and #LawnGoals because that is what the good people at Cub Cadet are paying me to write about here.


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My Uncool Past