Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Enter the Stand-Up Blogger

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Word from the world of health news is “sitting is the new smoking” sans the nicotine buzz and toasty aroma. That is why I’m writing this standing up, all clear headed and spring fresh.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Truly Useful Christmas Gifts for this Parent

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christmas gifts presents

Truly Useful Christmas Gifts for this Parent

Dear Santa,
Kris K., my man! How long’s it been? A year? 
Sorry not to be in touch sooner, but you have to take some of the blame. It’s not like you don’t where to find me, Mr. Sees You When You’re Sleeping. Make it easy on me in 2017, and finally get a Snapchat account.
I know it’s always tough coming up with gift ideas for people like me (middle-aged trophy husbands with teenagers and a floundering writing career) so I thought I’d give you some boldface hints. In fact, some of the items on my list will surely benefit many others around the world. Here you go:

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

This Dummy's Guide to Being a Slum Lord

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snidely whiplash slum lord
Slum lord Snidely Uncool, at your service.
Not many people will admit their life’s ambition is to become a slum lord.
However, after spending a week repairing rental homes and the week after changing various bandages on my body, it seems like a solid career move.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Droughts Stink and So Do I

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You know what truly stinks about our area's ongoing drought? Me.
Sorry for the stench, lower Fairfield County, but to comply with the water company’s call for voluntary conservation as our reservoirs edge closer to summer-in-Las Vegas levels, I’ve been doing my part by avoiding the shower. Your nose won’t thank me but the rest of you should.

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Note to Self: Find Better Post Ideas

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note-to-selfIn my younger days, I never needed to keep an appointment calendar because I had a sharp memory and no social life. Then my wife and I had children, followed by countless six packs of stress-relief to survive them.

These days I find myself constantly having to scribble little “note to self” reminders to remember things I should (and, more often, shouldn’t) do in the future. Here’s some of the collection that I have amassed over past few months on Post-It Notes, pet store receipts and my laptop.

Speaking of which — Note to self: Find your laptop cord before dog uses it as dental floss.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Dear PR/Marketing People Sending Me Pitches for Father’s Day, Etc.

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Let me help you. Please.

I had your job before, making cold calls and email pitches. It sucks. Allow me to make your life easier.

Unless you are offering to pay me a decent wage (see #SwifferDads campaign) to write about your product or brand, or you are offering to give me a pricey and/or sexy product (think Bluetooth headphones, flat-screen TVs, sports cars, lots and lots of tasty alcohol, etc.), just save yourself the time and effort.

I have no interest in running your high-res photos of celebrity dads giving their kids BPA-free high colonics.

mad-men-open-sequence

My Uncool Past

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